As Uncle Hugh used to say, “I hope history don’t repeat itself. I’d hate to think that god’s run out of ideas at this point.”

Okay, I promised I would not belabor the incompetence of President of the Known Universe and Supreme Ruler of All Things, by the grace of the one true and jealous god, being, hopefully, the last of that name, the entertainer formerly known as Donald Trump.

See why I made that promise? I never met a hyperbole that I didn’t like.

But there has arisen an idea whose time we hoped would never come.

Again.

There’s a novel plan under construction outside Lohheide, Germany: A European military under German command.

Right now it’s a handful of Dutch and German troops, a battalion full of hands, in fact.

See, after the war they had this old leftover military base up in Saxony. It’s in the boonies, so who’d notice, right? After all, if we’re not going to have the American Army to protect out faith. . .er, homeland, we’ve got to start somewhere.

So it began in Lohheide, a village and military base built in the ‘30s near the Bomlitz River, the most polluted river in the state, near Bergen.

As in Bergen-Belsen.

And if you don’t know the significance of that, you’re going to die of ignorance soon.

Why, for the past seven decades have we spent money like on a Berlin furlough to avoid building a large European fighting force? Why has the German army has been kept in such a state of readiness that they have to reissue underwear to stay in budget?*

Those who have read European history understand why we should want a German army wearing used underwear.

No, no, you folks enjoy your socialism: we’ll happily foot the gargantuan bill to stave off you-know-who by threatening to blow up the other half of the world because, let’s face it, the last big powerful European army turned out to be pretty annoying.

And considering that every time somebody forms a big powerful European army, that same somebody tends to go fight somebody else with it. German, British, French, Spanish all the way back to the Roman Fucking Empire!

Omnia Gallia.

Our revolutionaries were weenies! First Bonaparte, then the British Empire took “join or die” to a whole different level.

But if you think the world needs another heavily armed, historically aggressive military, complete with nuclear weapons . . .

I understand that from a historical perspective, the current crop of European politicians are about as dangerous as those floppy-eared Dutch bunnies.

Just keep reading “Watership Down.”

The mean bunnies that eat the babies will be here shortly.

I told you he didn’t know how to be president.

 

*That’s true, according to the New York Times.